Bruised...
The point stabbed, clattered. and [dunce] my soul
The aftermath moved me
The shatter fell to the floor and bounced back into my right hand
I jolted
The swing flashed against my skin
The bruise knocked my eyes shut
They opened
My mind laughed
My heart jumped
I ran....
The hue glowed heavy in tone
The beat rushed to my forehead
It overshadowed my ground
I leaped into space
The ground shook
Took me under
Forced me to get up again
The swing latched into my grip
I stalled
I swung
I forced the pain into my left shoulder
It exploded
We slammed hard
The movement was static
the charge was intense
It dribbled down the side
the warmth let lose
I rose, he fell
Space begin to circle my moves
the stars glowed
The room spun
We danced
The moon weathered
and here I am still in love with him
blackened eyes and a swollen lip
Still in love with myself...
(I feel like I am fighting against myself. I need to change. I need to be my own motivation. I need to step up my game!)
Wake up...
If 50 cent can get shot 9 times, go multi-platinum, sell a self based book, movie and video game, have a clothing line and sneaker, influence the black culture to deconstruct its values and make becoming a THUG a dream for little kids, then I'm a fucking SUPER HERO!!!! Watching younger black minds at the rare age of 9 talking about how cool it is to be a rapper, have a fancy car and get lots of women, is crazy to me. The black culture was birthed in the womb of movements and freedom fighters, and now raised by gangsters and street corner hustlers. The hustle and bustle of strong black minds determined to make a change in human society, is gone in the wind. The strive for freedom, justice, the removal of the word "nigger" (nigga) from the human vernacular has been erased. As a culture we no longer have the strength to come together and make a drastic impact. Instead we fall into what some want us to do and kill each other off. Fighting over whose gang is more real or who got hotter rhymes, becomes the goals of black folk. The financial status of our culture increases through entertainment not through ownership or political principle. We've got enough Dip Sets, 50s and Jay-Zs. Can our culture take any more of this drawn out expression of false human life. We need more Barakas, Spike Lees, and MLKs.
This culture has nothing left but some hot beats, fried chicken and a few key lines and phrases. Come alive yall. WAKE UP!!!!
My mind: thinking...
I think Im losing my mind! I think I am lonely. I think i value time and money, pleasure and people. I think Im lost . I think that I am dreaming. I think that I'm dead yet still somehow alive. I think I'm going blind. I think I've lost the value of time. I think Im black? I think I'm green,blue,pink,magenta. I think I've really lost my mind somewhere when i was looking for my dreams. I think I'm sober. I think im heavier than space and deeper than thoughts. I think I'm powerful. I think I'm ugly. I think that I have to validate myself to make friends. I think I'm shy. I think I am a clear blue sunday moring sky. I think I am happy. I know I'm sad. I think I'm ready to give up on changing myself. I think I'll give it another try. I think I'm fly. i think I walk funny. I think I talk tired. I think I'm drowning in my own thoughts. I think that I am overwhelmed. I think I'm a duck. I think like an individual. I think I am a man. I think I have power. I think I can take over the world, save the universe and find a cure for AIDS. I think the earth is round. I think this post is pointless. I think my mind has gone half crazy. I think I am creativity. I THINK...THEREFORE I AM!
I can see now...
It took me all this time to realize what the hell my main problem was. My life is in trambles. I keep wondering why im so shy, have no life, make no friends, find a man etc. I am too damn picky! I came to this conclusion when my friend bought me some hot chocolate and when i got it the first thing i said was where is the whipped cream. Then she bought me some ice cream and the first thing i said was, this is nasty. She bought me some Iced tea, that i asked for, and the first thing I said was eww you put ice in it. Of course I thanked her for getting me the stuff, but it was always attached to a negative statement.Its so very hard to please me. Im shy because im picky about when i should talk, after who i should speak, or what I should say instead of just saying it. I can't find any friends because I'm so picky about how they dress or if they are a non smoker or not, what shoes they wear, what stores they shop at, the music they listen to, and the list goes on. I can't find a man because Im so picky about how white his teeth are, how agressive he isn't or how tall he is. My father or even my closest friends don't know what to get me for christmas or my birthday because im so picky about what they get me. I swear, this holiday I am writing a list and sending it to everyone. My picky ass is getting something that I like. LOL! I am overwhelmed at this moment. Soul searching, and Im picky my soul away. Picky about how I soul search. Is there a term for this disease......?
Look how far we've come...
Soul searching
Lose it
fuse it
Fuck it
and abuse it
The movement
becomes clueless and
crudent...
so refuse it!
I have 1,000 hits yall! 1000 1000 1000 1000 1000 1000 1000 1000 1000
What this blog has done for me is indescribable. I have always written down my life in a notebook, on a postcard, napkin, computer but the internet was never an idea. Through this blog I have met new friends met a new me, opened my eyes and let some things off my mind. I thank those that have given me words of courage or advice.
The continuation....
So he cheated, and I the fool fell for his dumb sweet talk. He told me she knew about us, but he couldnt hold himself back. This dude had the best of both worlds me and the chic pussy and the dick. The thing that kills me is not that he cheated but that I was foolish enough to still love him after thinking that he was cheating. Dumby... but its all good, because now I know what I want or what to expect. he made me grow, which i dont regret. Lucky I didn't call him from my new phone therefore he could have called me back. The last thing I said to him was that I always thought he would be a brother to cheat lie and fuck my soul....then hung up the phone. im not mad at him, just mad at the game. It hurt yall, but its over now and i moved on.
