Welcome,
I cordially invite you to a new world of mine; a challenged filled, almost intangible world. A world where the end is never near and the beginning is further away; I welcome you.
Well it’s been two days since I first moved in. It has been an adventure of its own I must say. I was all nervous and simply blown away by the idea of me venturing through a new territory. I was so comfortable where I was at last year, and I keep asking myself why the hell I did this. I had massive friends and everyone knew my name. It was great! But now that I look at it, this will become an experience of a lifetime. I will learn how to deal with things and not sweat the small stuff and like my father would say, everything is small stuff. With that said I guess I am somewhat happy I made this change. I met and exchanged numbers with three people today. Highly impressive, I must add. Looks like things won’t be as bad as they seem (or as I make it seem) I felt like the world was going to literally end once transferred to this new college. However, by taking the advice of some really good people 4real, Quaheem, Smiling, my close friends back home and my family, thank you for telling me the truth.
I’m sitting here in my room while my white fraternity home made roommate listens to easy jazz on his earphones and munch on rice cakes. If only I opened up to tell him that I too, like jazz, and that he can play it aloud. I kept telling myself to be someone different when I got here, and just talk. Be that annoying ass kid that talked too fucking much and got on your last nerves but yet you loved because they amused the hell out of you. Yeah that kid! But that failed…again. So it looks like I will still be that quiet not quite black (maybe Spanish or Dominican), yet really cute, innocent, mysterious young kid. The world will never know how I truly feel or what I really want to say unless they read what I write. Writing…the only way I know how to really express myself.
Just a thought…
I consist of three colors Blue, Green, and Black
Blue = Easy, Mind heavy, Beautiful, Energy
Green = Envy, Power, progression, GO!
Black = Mysterious, Solid, Endless, Black
My life right now, feels like a bad episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air meets A Different World duct tapped to a Boondocks comic strip. How does that taste?
She lives in my lap...
It’s 3:15, so I respond to the suns glare and the early calling of a morning bird. Rubbing my eyes till they water, frowning and in confusion I stood up and yawned. My breath alarmed me and acknowledged its own bitterness. “Good morning” and no one responded, again I yawned, and gently turned my head to the left and no one was there. I yawned again, wiped my eyes made to make sure that this wasn’t a nightmare, turned sharply to my right my eyes tight my mind anxious to see…and… there she was, my angel. Just as I had left her last night, cuddle in her own disposition, happy and detained by her thoughts. The love of my life. We’ve known each other since High School and she is still the same redbone indigo soul I knew when we were seventeen years old.
Spiritual love
Smooth like pea [
soup]
Strung like cords over an interlude
Minus the introduction
Plus their souls
Spindled into the love makings of life
This got to be right.
Grind into thoughts
Heavy like migraines
Monopoly mind games
Ready to explore into whatever comes along
Join their excavation for gold like dreams
Pure and purest
She’s in love with his spirit
Tailored like collar bones
Substituting the abstract idea of her smile
Times the miles, measures, mountains
The moon revolves around the sun
A rebirth of love has just begun
Wrapped up in the love makings of life
This got to be right
Chiseled into memories
Geared with its chemistry
Ready to rule the world
It’s full and unexplored
The truth is
He is in love with her spirit
-Nalij4lyph
2003
This is a a reflection of a couple whom I adore
I just need to vent...
I've been challenged with the idea of me progressing. I have been striving towards this Great heavenly cause of change, but I seem to be shackled down. Slowly, I see some change in the way I perceive life. Yet the idea of changing becomes so heavy. Gallons of nervousness and anxiety weigh me down from truly achieving.
Soon I will be attending a new college, where I have to meet and greet new people (I'm not the social type). I’m scared, and my face is painted with fear. I have tried to sike myself up and say "J ...everything will be just fine, you got through your freshmen year at your other school". But it’s not the same. I don’t want to repeat the same emotions and feelings of being frightened, like my first three freshmen weeks, all over again. It’s painful. It’s easy for most to just be themselves and be openly comfortable around anyone. However, I always worry about what he is thinking, what she might say, or how I might look. Anxiety overwhelms me, drenches me, and I think I'm going to DROWN soon. I have been trying to focus on what matters to me the most and that is myself, but I can't stop thinking about how other people see me. Am I funny, funny looking, weird, boring, corny, fun?
I hope I make it through. I don’t know how I'm going to get through, but I'm hoping HE/SHE is right by my side. That’s all I have...God. But it seems to not be enough. The only person that can change the way I look at things is myself. My whole life I've been this way, and my whole life I have been trying to get over this great deal of shyness. I always over analysis everything to the point where I cannot sleep at night. Everyone always tells me that I'm a beautiful intelligent person, yet I cannot attest to it. I really do not see the beauty, the brains, or the brother. I just see this silly ass fool carrying his biggest challenge on his shoulders...HIS LIFE. What should I do?
Love,
A brother covered up to his ears... in fear.
Nalij
I wanna be a duck...
It’s your world: by Common
"What do you want to be when you grow up" he asked?
The child replied, "I wanna be a duck!"
For some this may just be a childish response to a mature question. We all have been asked these same few words and in reply, we most likely said things like a fire fighter, a doctor, a rock star. However, when this young child said she wanted to be a duck, tears came rolling down my face. I couldn't hold them back. I was on my way to work 6:45 in the morning about a mile away from my job site. She said it... and I broke down. All day I couldn't stop thinking about what she had said.
A child so innocent, so mild, so like me. Her imagination was vibrant, and her dreams indigo. It was beautiful. Unlike most children, burdened with the reality of materialistic objects and dimwitted dreams, this young mind had a view on life unlike no other. Spacious and worry free; she embodies wisdom already, and she does not even know it. I wanna be a duck. I wanna live in the clouds, maybe fly to the moon; catch the wind, splash in the sea of life. Quack my way to the top! Her imagination is fruitful and just beginning to bloom. Just imagine 10 years from now when you ask her the same question. Maybe she will become Baraka, Betty(Shabazz), Badu, or Bohemian. The world is yours children. I wish that my generation would step up and change the way younger children are thinking these days. Rather than wanting to be something practical, sensible, reachable, they strive to be rappers and actors fly hustlers and gangsters. A fasle imagine of life. I’m not knocking those that do pursue these careers; however, there is a greater chance of a black male or female becoming a doctor than a pro athlete. Believe it! It's your world, but sometimes we need to come back to earth, plant some seeds, shift some rocks and fly with the ducks. I don't know about you, but...I wanna be duck!
Lies,Crimes and Thieves
Back to the Thug...it seemsThe lies, the crimes, the thieves
(He stole my mind)
He, Mack like two point in perspective
The conversation is reflective
Boast on Brooklyn and Babylon
The Quo
The Status
He babbles on…
He macks in two-point perspective
The image can be deceptive
August smile and neon frozen eyes
The mind of a Mack
Skin black
Brown, chocolate, hazel, southern fried
He macks me in two-point perspective
The result: is me deceptive, reflective and attentiveThis thug is one point perceived The casueThe truthThe lies, the crimes, the thieves
A gain:
Been degraded, exploited, NOT celebrated,
Saturated with self hatred
Jill Scott- ThicknessI looked in the mirror the other night, and I kept starring. Turned away, then found myself looking back again, again, again.... A gain of self-hatred. I am on this journey to find self love, however it’s quite the difficult pilgrimage. Searching to find happiness in a cave of blackened memories and trembling waters. Happiness: a fictitious place one strives to reach in the moment, in the measure and the mind. What I’m trying to say is that we try to reach happiness in the moment that exist now, as well as what will come. Some consider happiness with fortune and fame, but we all want the comfort of finding happiness within ourselves; our mind. Lately, I have been looking in the mirror over and over again. A gain of self-love has been reflecting back at me and it feels good to smile.
To smile and to
love that smile
To smile and
feel that smile
To smile and almost
taste that smile
I’ve always been my own worst critic. But now I am trying to take this negative energy and mold it into something more congruent. Transcend the expectations and become confident in myself, is my goal on this search for self-love. Honestly, I have not gotten too far. I told myself that I was there, landed and settled. Not true. I really have just begun by telling myself that there is a need for change. Coming to this conclusion has only resulted in positive outcomes and a galaxy of much more.
